A Gothic Hero

Many times I use to look at my friends and wonder what I would do if I ever lost them. That question use to always bother me, but as I grew up I learned that things happen for a reason. As the years have gone by, I have watched the world turn its self upside down trancending into a endless pit. With all the things this world puts its self through, I finally realized that we all are just a small piece of it and do not really matter. As much as I love my friends and no matter how close I think I am to them, I feel distant. I feel as though when my time runs out, will my life have been spent correctly. To tell the truth though, my life really does not matter to me. If I had to choose between my self and my friends, I would give my life in a heartbeat. There is not much in this world we can do, but we can save our friends and family. I finally realized i'm a gothic hero because I have a side of me that doubts myself and this world, I would not question fighting and dying for my friends.

A Quest for Rememberence

Ever since I was a little girl, I never thought about becoming famous or anything. I thought I was perfect the way I was and did not care about what anybody thought of me. As I got older however, one thought seemed to occur to me over and over again. Will i be forgotten when I die? I do not exactly know why that thought occured in my head that day, but when it did I can honestly say I was not ready for it. It took me by complete surprise, and it made me question why I was alive. Ever since that thought, I have been on a quest for being remembered.

I guess we all have weird, strange, unknown thoughts to us, but it is hard to answer why we have these thoughts. I finally figured out that I fear being forgotten because I do not want to be some Jane Doe on the ground with no one to claim me for who I was. I guess I just want to know that I was important to somebody. It is a form of reassurence for me that the people i love and care about will not just throw me in a ditch and bury me, but actually remeber me as a person who held some importance to the world.

It is really easy to say "O I Won't be forgotten," but in order to gain you have to give. You see I am the type of person who looks at a blank wall and does not see a wall, but sees a blank canvas ready to be painted. In order to make the wall rememberable, we can not just leave it blank. We have to decorate it and make it beautiful. If we do not do that, in the end the wall is going to fall and something new is going to be put there. That previous wall will be forgotten. That is how are lifes are. We can sit around and watch the world build up around us, but if we do not build up with it, we will not matter anymore. I need to be able to prove myself to this world, that remembering the name Gabrielle Elizabeth Williams is not a waste of time and space.

I have hopefully a very long, substantial life ahead of me, and I hope to make the fullest of it whether I am forgotten or not. I plan to have a family, a home, a future, and I plan to make some kind of mark on this world whether it be big or small. If I am to die tomorrow, I hope my quest was sucessful and all of you people who are reading this will not think of me as some weird girl who was not important. I just ask to be remembered as a person and not a corpse. If I am sucessful in my quest, then I can die knowing I will not be forgotten.

Life is to short lived to question it, and no matter who you are in the world, I want you to know i will not forget you. We are all on the same quest. If we could all remember each other when we are gone, then my quest will have ended a sucess.

"live long and not for the end,

because our journey is yet to be over,

carry the name of your enemies and friends upon your tongue,

and thy will never be forgotten,"

Gabrielle Elizabeth Williams

My Hidden Mentor

I have a lot of loving caring friends that are always trying to help me and make sure I'm on the right path. Some of their supposive wisdom is actually pretty good, but most of it pretty much sucks. The only person who is worth listening too most of the time when it comes to advice would be Jasmine Dinh. She is like Jeminy Cricket off of Pinocio. Now when I say Jeminy Cricket, I mean the abusive version of him. Jasmine is so full of wisdom that if she knows or even thinks you are not listening to her, she will smack you really hard. (That is why I have so many bruises on my arm). You would be really surprised how pursausive Jasmine is with her smacks and uncalled for throwing of foreign objects. Of cours, when ever she does things like that, she has a good reason to. I'm actually a really stubborn person, and it is really hard for me to use other people's ideas even though most of mine are kind of dumb and could mean death for me one day. (Jasmine actually saved me from humiliation during Project S.O.S). Jasmine just makes sure that I hear her saying its a bad idea, and we all can agree that if Jasmine thinks it's a bad idea, then it's a bad idea. She is actually one of the wisest people I know and even though there is a lot of war and screaming between us, Jasmine always has my back. She is my mentor like Jimeny on Pinocio's shoulder looking out for me and trying to help me every single step of the way. Jasmine is my hidden mentor who will one day save my life from who knows what.

My Threshold Gaurdian

My older sister Tiffany and I use to be really close. She used to be like my best friend when I was younger. She would protect me, help me, and shield me from the truth sometimes about what the world really was. We never faultered in our sisterhood and even though she was eight years older then I was, never made it apparent that there was an age difference. As we got older however, my sister and I grew apart from eachother, and began to in a way become eneimies with one another. While my sister was in high school, our sisterhood slowly began to deterierate. The person I thought was my best friend slowly turned into a living nightmare which I was forced to face everyday. I remember waking up a lot at night to hear her arguing with my parents, or to her loud profanity she would scream at her friends. I even remember waking up one morning to hear the sound of glass being thrown into a wall and shattering into thousands of pieces. What she had become scared me, and so instead of depending on my sister like I always had before, I had to develop into a new person to save her. Repairing my sister back to the way she once was and mending our broken sisterhood was the biggest obstacle I had to face in that part of my life.
As time went on however, I began to see the happier and better side of my sister I remembered sseing when I was a little girl. Overtime, she slowly turned back into what I once called my sister. Our sisterhood become whole again, and all the open wounds me and her had from those years I ventured with her through were healed. My sister and I have been united again ever since, and even though so many things have gone wrong between us, our bond has been strengthened by one another. My sister Tiffany is my threshold gaurdian because our sisterhood was the obstacle in which caused both of us to grow. My sister is my burdened keeper in which I do not mind carrying with me on the way to the future.

The Shadow of My Life

Everyone has a shadow in their life which they wish they could get rid of. I would have to say that my personal shadow is my eyesight. Unlike most people my age, I have a form of genetic Macular Degeneration. It's not so much the fact that I have it that bothers me, but the fact that so many people I know take advantage of what they were gifted with. I just don't see what normal people see. What all you guys think is normal vision, is something that I will never know. No I'm not blind, but I have a way different perspective on the world then what you guys have. Everyone most likely reading this says "O, I know what your going through," but you don't. I remember in Seventh grade, I was walking down the hallway when some girls (I won't say their names) ran up to me in the hallway and started calling me stupid blind girl in the hallway. Everyone around us started laughing, and I didn't know what to do. Most people in the world are not like that, but that day I went home crying. I can't help what I got at birth, and I wish some people would understand that. After that day, I guess is when you can say I actually got some backbone. Now and days I don't put up with that crap, I just fight back. My eyesight I would say is the shadow in my life because it hurts me both emotionally and physically. I'm a meaner person because of my eyesight when I used to be every one's friend. My eyesight is defiantly the shadow within my life.

My Personal Trickster

Katy Vestal, the mysterious red head that roams the hallways and plays her fiddle at John Horn High School. I really do not know what it is, but she is hilarious. She is the one that even when it seems to be the darkest in time, seems to make you laugh some how. Like last week I found out my cousin died and so I called Katy. I was like bawling on the phone, and like could not stop crying. Katy then, out of no where, cracks a joke about how he died. It was so morally wrong, but I was laughing so hard I fell out of my chair while I was still crying. She made even the worst time seem like a semi-good time. katy is my trickster beacause she always lightens the mood when it seems dark and for the worst. Katy is a amazing friend and one of the funniest people I know.

The Hoodies

I know what most of you are thinking just by reading the title. "What the heck is The Hoodies?" Well, The Hoodies is a name that some how got stuck on me and my friends when we were trying to start a band. Even though that failed horribly, the name kind of stuck to us. When I say "us," I really mean: Me, Tricia, Candice, Maelene, and Jasmine. They are my "band" of loyal companions till the end. Ya, I know we are like the weirdest group of people to hang out together, but trust me, it makes for one of the most interesting friendships forever. Without each other, we would be nothing because each of us has a certain role we need to play in our group.

Gabbi: To most people's surprise, I am kind of like the leader of The Hoodies. Back in eighth grade, we did not really know each other until I came along and got us to hang out. They thought i was crazy when I called them because they really did not know me all that well. If I had not called them that day though and got us to go the mall together, we would probably not even speak to each other. I am kind of the glue that holds us together. I am usually the one who plans things we do on the weekends and other stuff like that, so I am kind of the center of the universe. I am also known as the craziest in our group. I always have some kind of big project going on in my life and always some how drag all of my friends into it. They find it entertaining to do so it is all good. I can also say, I am the most skilled at warfare in our group. When I say that, I mostly mean I am a beast at war games. If you do not believe me, go on xbox live some time and I will prove it to you. I am definately the crazy, gamer leader in our group. Everyone needs one of those.

Jasmine: Jasmine Dinh is like the exact opposite of me. To tell the truth, our friendship is more like a giant brawl that never ends. Though we are like best buddies now, Jasmine use to hate me and call me a freak. I do not know how, but she some how got over that, and we started hanging out. Jasmine's role in our group is more like the secret leader/ninja. Well to put it plainly, Jasmine is a master mind behind a lot of evil schemes we have. She will not admit it and is probably shaking her head no violently as she reads this, but it is the truth. I pretty much work for Jasmine. It is like the perfect cover up. Everyone thinks I am the one who will rule the world one day, but in truth, it is all Jasmine. I guess you can say I am Jasmine's evil Hench man/girl, and do all of her dirty work. I do not really need to help her though because she is a ninja. That is something she actually might admit. She is a ninja because she has amazing reflexes. Like one time, we were playing like hide and seek at Tricia's house and I was running with Jasmine when all of a sudden I turn around and she is gone. It turns out she went to hide in Tricia's car trunk. Now tell me, Who hides in a car trunk? Because of that, I definately say Jasmine is the ninja/secret leader in The Hoodies.

Tricia: What can I say? Tricia has been my best friend since fifth grade. I remember the first time me and her actually hung out outside of school. I like ended up throwing a party, and everyone besides Tricia ended up going to Lindsey's party instead. I definately found out who my true friend was when just Tricia showed up to my party. Ever since then, we have been best friends. Tricia is like the 'the blonde in the group. When I say blonde, I do not mean dumb, I just mean well she has plenty of moments. Ask her, and she will admit to this too. Even though she was not born a blonde, and is not blonde (in my standards of blonde), she definately has her times when you could consider her to be Barbie. I mean that in a good way. Like one time when all of us went to the movies together, this guy was throwing a "hissy-fit" about getting ripped off on his popcorn, and he had set his popcorn container on the counter. I do not think she was paying attention, but when Tricia went up to the counter, well I am not going to tell you the rest so you will just have to use your imagination. Anyways, Tricia is the blonde one in our group and I believe because of that is one of the easiest to get along with all of us. She is one of the friendliest and nicest people I know, and she is a proud member of The Hoodies.

Maelene: When someone speaks the name Maelene, sudden thoughts of rebellious Asian come to mind. Maelene is one of those people who is not afraid to voice the fact that she is asian and that she does not like authority. That is probably why she is one of the loudest people I know and will probably ever meet. She makes sure she is different from everyone else, just like sometimes when we go out as The Hoodies, she makes sure she is the one who stands out the most. You can definately say she likes attention. She is also one of the smartest people I know, but does not like to use her smarts for anything unless its math. I can never argue with Maelene in math because she is like Einstein on steroids in geometry. I am not even kidding. Who makes straight 105's in math? No one but Maelene does. It is almost scary how smart she is, but she barely uses it. She lets everybody know she is a genius, but then will sit there and not even do her work. She is really cocky when it comes to smarts, so I guess she figures she will just go against the system and not do her work. I guess because she knows she is so smart, is why she is so proud of being Asian. What she calls it is "Asian Pride" but I think she is a bit conceited in herself. I love her like a sister all the best though. She is definately the rebellious, Asian super genius in The Hoodies.

Candice: Candice is by far the happiest person on earth. She rarely frowns, always encourages people, and never lets people see her cry unless it is a Monday. Candice without a doubt is the Hoodie's Cheerleader. She is always encouraging us even when she knows what we are doing is not going to work. She should be married to Mr. Sun because of how happy she is. I never understood how somebody could be so happy. It confused me, so I finally gave up on trying to figure her out, and just rolled with the fact she is so happy. The other day when I walked into geography and told her my cousin died, she just started trying to comfort me and make me happy again. It kind of annoyed me though, just because she kept smiling and it kind of made me want to smack her. Overall though Candice, (despite that constant smiling) made me happy again. Her smile is not the only thing that makes people feel better, but so do her drawings. Her drawings are like amazing, and beautiful, and did I mention amazing. She always draws special drawings for us to try to make us happy and never charges squat for them. We insist on paying her, but she never accepts our money. She is way to generous. Overall Candice is our cheerleader for The Hoodies.

I love my friends to death, and would die if I ever lost them. The Hoodies is our name and represents us. They are my best friends and most weird, fantastic half family I have ever had.

Teaching Violin

Well, of course as many of you already know, I play in the orchestra as a violinist. When I say violinist, I really mean to say the best Violinist as a freshman right now, well at least I thought I was. You see not only do you have to be able to play violin to be the best, but you also have to be good at teaching it. I thought I was a great violinist until Jasmine asked me to teach her violin. Being my bestest buddy of course I told Jasmine yes, and shortly began teaching her soon after. I have to say it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Trust me when I say it is not Jasmine, because it is not. It is me. I am way to unexperienced at trying to help people in Violin let alone teach the basics from scratch. So anyways, I have taken Jasmine on as my young pupil for about a month now, and I will say she has got considerably better, but because of my inexperience, everyone around us are having to suffer. To put it bluntly, there is alot of yelling, screaming, pinching, smacking, beating, and screaching. Also because me and Jasmine are really close, we do not get squat done together. My inexperience and inprofessionality have caused many people's ears to bleed, Mr. Engal to think I'm a Lunitic, and Jasmine magically becoming a better violinist. I will say, I definately need more experience to teach somebody lke Jasmine. She screaches just to annoy me.

A Broken Heart

Most people in the world today suffer from unhealed injuries in their hearts. I am one of those people. You see there was this guy and he was my friend ever since first grade. We did everything together and we never were apart. As time continued however, me and him began to grow apart. I knew it was happening and I can admit it was alot of my own fault. I did not like what he had become as he had gotten older so I began to ignore him and stopped hanging out with him. He did not really care about me at the time anyways so he just stopped even expecting me to hang out with him. It was really sad because we used to be best friends, but were no longer. I remember one day out of the blue he called me and told me he was moving. I was not sad or anything so I just said goodbye. It was not till he was gone and about a month later that I realized that I really missed him. Today this day, I still miss him. I hope one day I can see him again and tell him how sorry I am. Until that day comes however, I will just have to have a broken heart.

Looking Towards the Sky

Overall, I try to be a very strong Christian. I am always asking god for guidence and always trying to stay connected to him through prayer. I do have friends who are not christian, but I still try to stay close to my religion without offending my friends who do not believe. God and Jesus are my guides through this life and through all my problems, (school and heart ache) they are always there for me. My faith is one of my most important things within my life.

I Am Who I Am

My name is Gabrielle Williams. I am 14 years old at the moment, have great friends, am ready for summer, and wish I had a cookie that is not Oatmeal raisin while I type this. I love Final Fantasy, War games, and Working on Project Genesis. Who is anybody else to judge who I am. God made me this way for a reason and I plan to stay this way. For all those reading this, I want you to know that I am who I am and nobody else. People who are shallow and only care what others think will not get anywhere, but people like me will be able to make their marks on history because we are individuals. I am a rebel against the robotic system known as preps, and will never give in to something I am not. I am who I am and will never be someone. This is Gabrielle Williams reporting out.